i love you

It's been said. Those words in the title. It's been a long time since I've said them to someone other than a family or friend member. But lately Jim and I have grown close and our relationship has become easy and accepting. So I had been thinking about saying them for about the last month and I always wimped out and let it slide. I knew all I needed to say was "Are you going to say it first or do I need to say it first." But I didn't say that and just went on with our daily lives. Until Monday night. June 16th, 2008 marks a momentous occasion in my life. I said "I love you" to Jim. He said "I love you too. I've been wanting to tell you, but I wanted you to step up and not be a wimp and say it first." I laughed. He pushes me to do things first and I like that about him. He made me call him first. Something I would have never done. He puts the ball in my court and lets me figure things out for myself. I love and hate that about him! I know I have a lot to work on but when I'm with him I feel like myself. He accepts me no matter what follows. 

Another excerpt from my book...

Kansas

There was this eerie green color outside this evening, and I don’t quite know how to describe it to you. It’s as if a picture was processed but received no red processing. It is about 11:25pm, and on the bottom of my TV screen is a message that keeps sliding across, that states "tornado warning", and the rain is falling harder than I have ever seen in my life (and I’m from Seattle). Thus, I am in the basement typing this...Welcome to Kansas.

Here are some things about Kansas that I find fascinating if not odd.

First things First, Kansas is in the Mid-west NOT above Tennessee as previously thought.

Now I’ve been around the world, but into the deep mid-west I had never ventured. This was new. There were fireflies. I had only ever read about fireflies in one of my favorite books called Sam and the Firefly, where the firefly was causing all sorts of ruckus by spelling out “FREE” above the hotdog stand, which would then drive the hotdog stand owner to get upset and chase him, which I often thought was funny because then he left all those people there to just steal the hotdogs because no one was manning the stand. But I digress. I’ve seen fireflies in movies but never up close. Their butts light up. Why? It’s called bioluminescence. What if we walked around with this peculiar glow coming from our butts at dusk? People behind us would be able to see where they were going. No need for flashlights or batteries. We could save ourselves a lot of bruises in the night. But more importantly what if our butts lit up when we were attracted to someone we like. That is why they light up you know. Wouldn’t that kind of be embarrassing? What if we were already married and our butts never lit up for our spouse? I guess you could tell who the gold diggers were if it was innate. The truth is fireflies are useful in fighting cancer. True story. Fireflies are also extremely energy efficient. They give off 100% light contrast that to a light bulb which only gives off 10%, the other 90% is wasted on heat. I was in Kansas for 4th of July, one of the few states left that allow you to light off your own fireworks. So as I was enjoying the fireworks on my street, I looked up and saw the fireflies. The fireflies were competing with the fireworks for the attention. And it has to be said the fireflies won.

The second thing not many know about Kansas is that it is home to the world’s largest ball of twine. Where is the biggest ball of twine in the world, you ask? You can find it in Cawker City, Kansas right on highway 24. I drove 4 hours out of my way to see this amazing structure. How would one come to hear about it? I happen to have this thing for maps that would let the reader know of all these strange things in the world, one week after I came across the largest ball of twine, I was offered a job in Manhattan, Kansas. I accepted the job just for a chance to catch a glimpse of this oddity. So en route to Manhattan I just stopped on by and visited the world’s largest ball of twine. I mean wouldn’t you? Frank Stoeber started his ball in 1953 in his barn, as a challenge and rival to Francis Johnson’s ball of twine in Darwin, MN. However, when Frank died just one foot shy of surpassing his rival, the citizens of Cawker united and soon they had ownership of the largest ball of twine. It is located in an open-air gazebo and passer bys can add their own twine, and you can bet I did! Every August the city has a twine-a-thon. The sign reads simply “THRIFT + PATIENCE=SUCCESS.” If only that statement would apply in my life. This ball of twine weighs in at 7,827, 737 feet of sisal twine and weighs a mere 17,980 pounds. The circumference is 40 feet which roughly estimates about 1, 444 miles of twine. That is like going from the most western point of France to the very heal of Italy. Just imagine if you will a little road trip in a Dacia or Datsun, what have you, traveling across the countries unrolling a huge ball of twine. Fieldtrip anyone?


Kansas is also home to the center of the U.S. continental divide. It took some time but I found it with my great navigating skills, with my atlas in my right hand and the compass in my left, and the steering wheel somewhere in between. I ended up on a road that was dusty and rocky in my 1997 Honda Civic and I realized this wasn’t right. So after trekking back 20 minutes and looking at the map again, I found myself what seemed heading in the right direction. And then there out of nowhere was a flag, and a little tiny white church. It was a little inspiring and I will admit I got weepy as I looked from all perspectives at this great vast country I live in. From sea to shining sea and then some in between.

Manhattan is KRAZY for their Kansas State Wildcats and it is the most beautiful campus I have seen, prettier than Oxford or Georgetown! They have themed it like a castle so the stadium is like a castle and we get to play on the stadium floor with the Astroturf! Now I never liked Kansas, Kansas State, or really any of those states that have fanatical fans. I think it is wrong. Nebraska, Oklahoma, I could keep going. In Manhattan, there was a purple house. Purple. I mean really. I like the University of Washington but I refuse to paint my house purple and gold. I will don a sweat-shirt on game day, sure, but you won’t find this girl’s house, car, or otherwise lit up with my alma mater’s colors. It is just wrong.

Two words. Dodge City. Wyatt Earp. Horse and buggies. Barbecue and steak. Enough said.

So now I will sign off but realize that the tornado warning is still on and that
I could die tonight! But hey wouldn't that be a cool way to die!

What to do about the Mariners?

I'm concerned for the Mariners. We're a good team, we just aren't acting like one. Bedar finally had a good night last night. Are my expectations too high? Do I boycott them or is that fair weather fan thing to do? I love baseball. I've been a hippity Mariner's fan forever but the concern is too much. I have my favorites, those guys who get it done...if only we had some pitchers( I admit I love Rhodes and sometimes Putz)! Ibanez, Beltre, Betancourt, and Ichiro all amazing, all doing their jobs...I wonder who is frustrated the most. I wonder why we pay Stottlemyre millions of dollars to coach the bull pen when the bull pen isn't showing results. I personally think it has nothing to do with practice, talent, or passion. I think someone accidentally washed their socks. You know how superstitious baseball players are. I seriously think this is the demise. Which one of them washed their socks? 

I have nothing to say.

Truly. I don't. I'm sitting here tired, exhausted, stressed, with grey hair at age 29. How lucky am i? Sleeping pills it is. Oh i just realized that sounded scary...I mean since I'm stressed out I can't sleep and since I can't sleep I get these little sores on my mouth that drive me insane. So I need sleep. Hence the sleeping pills. But i just remembered that it is SNL tonight and I haven't watched that on a real Saturday night in ages so maybe I'll do that. It's either that, sleep, or homework. And I'm so so sick of the latter that I refuse to do homework. SNL sounds good. That's it.

This is my Grandpa...

My Grandpa recently passed away unexpectedly and I wanted to share two short stories about him as I'm missing him at this moment. The first was as a child, about five years old, and grandma and grandpa had come up to visit from Texas, I was living in Bothell, Wa at the time. My family lived near the high school just about 5 doors down from the high school's track. My grandpa would gather all the cousins and walk us down to the track and line us up each in our own lane and then walk down further...probably around the 50 yard mark and he would yell "go." He would be dressed in his always present tight blue jeans, tucked in polo shirt, and his Texas buckle, with his black as night black hair (years later I would learn that my grandma died his hair for years...I loved this about him). The winner took home a shiny quarter to spend down at the local bananza 8 shop where I would usually spend my quarter buying suckers and my brother would always be the one saving his for something really good like $14.oo dollar walkie talkies that would get the police saying "get off this channel."

Another story which I like to recall, is my favorite part about my grandpa. I lived with him and my grandma and my aunt (whom I'm living with now ironically) during my freshman year in college. I loved being around him. He was quiet, hard working doing anything my grandma or aunt asked of him, always accepting the task. Whenever I made the trek back over the mountains he would always warn me about cops and not to trust them even if they were in a cop car and had a badge. He taught me to only roll the window down an inch to talk with the officer, to this day I still do that. He always protected me against boys, parents, or the future. One day we had bought a desk at a garage sale for me and we were going to spruce it up. This meant taking off about 7 layers of paint with paint thinner (that was the first time I knew what that stuff could do, amazing!). I spent hours scraping the paint off and sanding and learning from my grandpa...of course I got busy and disinterested in the project. About a week later I went to the garage to see what he was doing and there he was sanding my desk. I noticed it was quiet. I remember saying "Grandpa! You need some music in here!" To this he replied "Hayley, have you ever heard the phrase silence is golden?" I hadn't and I said so. He responded "Well it is." So I left and brought him back a grilled cheese sandwich. 

I love this story. And I love my grandpa, the always weightlifting boxer that he was. Grandpa, I'm glad you got to do what you love to do, you would have hated getting old! I'm sure you're flying right now checking in on us just like the bird you always wanted to be.